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Sunday, January 27th, 2002
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9:09 pm - 15 times...._15_....
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oh wow. i have the worst hangover of the millennia (vader, don't even try to compete. i totally whooped your ass at the drinking game last night @ the gray side and you know it.) and you got beer all up in your breast-plate controls hahah ::points and laughs:: yes well, have fun getting droids to repair _that_! but anyway...yes i'm sure you're all wondering what the fifteen times thing is referring to...well...
i woke up with a sandy blond braid across the back of my neck and _no_ i didn't sprout it, overnight. i think that is all you people need to know. ::shudder:: i can't believe it, master. i cannot beleive i let you persuade me to go to that confounded bar again! and you knew this would happen. ugh. next time i'm just going to chain myself to the wall. i'm never leaving this apartment again.
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(3 minds corrupted | join the dark side)
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| Monday, January 21st, 2002
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5:59 pm - ::sigh::
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well today was most dissatisfying. _everything_ was doing its best to piss me off, i swear. its a fucking conspiracy! gah. alright, so it actually started last night when i went to go get my master's dry cleaning. first this asshole sideswiped my sith speeder on the way, so, me being a sith lord of course and cocky sith apprentice bent on revenge on anyone that pisses me off, caught up to the bastard and totaled his space utility vehicle before you can say owan's your uncle *yeah! 2 points for me!* but _then_ the cops pulled me over, and this is only like the second time this has happened in my whole life, surprisingly.
Sith Handbook ordinance #345:
Sith _never_ go the speed limit.
I have fun with that one heh heh. Its one of the few rules i actually find enjoyable. but anyway, i got pulled over, tried to whammy the guy into thinking i wasn't speeding and i didn't know anything about the bloody mess in the ditch, a few blocks back, and to my dismay, the guy was one of those species who _could not_ be whammied! grrr! so i just do that force-choke thing on him and leave him on the side of the road, the exhaust fumes from my bike wafting up his nostrils so that what little air he _could_ squeeze into his lungs was contaminated. muahaha. so i keep going down the road for like, 5 or 6 miles and i _finally_ figure out that i'd passed up the fuckin dry-cleaners about 10 miles ago. fuck. so i turn around but before i can retrace my steps even 2 miles, i've got like, 4 cops on me! for the love of all that is evil! luckily, these guys were weak-minded and quite whammy-able, so i sent them speeding off to the nearest donut shop without even lifting a finger. 2 more points for the sith lord. when i finally _do_ get to the dry cleaners (and yes, master, i _know_ they know you, but your "friends" decided to be particularily bitchy toward yours truly) the robes weren't even ready. my gods. that sucked. i knew i would be blamed for being late when i got home (and guess what? i was.) so i had to wait another fifteen fucking minutes, pacing back and forth, tossing derogatory remarks to customers and employees alike for no reason other than i was severely pissed off, and about ready to turn the dry-cleaners into a bloodbath. patience, you say? psh. patience is a jedi trait. so i finally get the robes, only one of them has not been cleaned. ugh. i guess there was some sort of stain that was too nasty for even the best dry-cleaners on this side of town to tackle. (master, may i ask: what the fuck...? even _my_ robes arent' too much for them, no matter how crusty!) alright, so maybe we don't wanna go there...heh, no.
yeah, so i have the robes. i'm taking them out to my speeder, wondering where the fuck i'm going to put them when a hot pink sequined thong falls out of one of the bags and onto the pavement. i raise the jag mark above my eye that doubles as an eyebrow at it, pick it up and walk back inside. "hey," i say, holding the disgusting thing up. "does this belong to one of your employees, perhaps? and what the fuck is it doing in my master's-i mean my boss's dry cleaning???"
"oh, um..." stammers the pimply adolescent behind the counter. "that came in with everything. it must belong to your boss." ::shudder:: so i just storm back out to my bike only to find that its side-view mirror has been cracked ::growl:: i stuff my master's shit into the back compartment and ride home as fast as i can, creating havoc on the road as is my sithly duty. so that part was ok, but everything else sucked. i got shocked with force lightning for like, five minutes straight for #1 being late #2 revealing the thong issue to the people at the dry-cleaners #3 for merely existing and #4...i don't even know what the fuck #4 was...i think he was just having a pissy day...something about impertinant storm troopers or some shit...i've already accepted the fact that i'm his punching bag...but one day this punching bag is going to punch back so hard that the old perve won't even know what the fuck hit him.
oh yeah, and to top it all of, My Apprentice decided to hack a lovely little hairball right on my pillow and i laid DOWN ON IT!!!
life seriously hates me.
...i'm not even going to get into _today_...
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(join the dark side)
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| Sunday, January 20th, 2002
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12:23 pm - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ohhh...this...is just...WRONG!
these personality tests suck! i am _not_ my master! argh!
current mood:  enraged
current music: its a wonder they haven't gotten an eviction notice, yet...
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(4 minds corrupted | join the dark side)
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| Friday, January 18th, 2002
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9:30 pm - listen to me ramble on about my pointless existance muahahaha....
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ahh...i have a love/hate relationship w/ my new hand-held showerhead. i love that it has four functions (wide spray, narrow spray, light massage, and of course, my personal favorite, H A R D massage...mmmmm...) but the first function...no longer functions, and i guess that's what i hate about it. cheap peice of bantha poodoo. oh well. what can you expect from wal-mart? that annoying green midget and disgrace of a jedi (...wait...what am i saying? _all_ jedi are a discrace...) yoda gave me a lifetime guarantee on it, so perhaps i shall just go in and exchange it...but perhaps not, though, because whenever i switch on the function that doesn't work, no water comes out (oh wow, how cool, man) no, but when i turn it back onto a function that does work, there's this freezing cold spurt of water followed by a deliciously smoldering spurt before it returns to its normal temperature ::shudders w/ pleasure just thinking of it...:: but enough of this bilge, who really cares??
anyhow...who knew there were chunks of real strawberries in neaopolotan ice cream...? at least i _think_ those were strawberries...*fuck*
And another totally irrelevant thing, while i'm rambling...and it doesn't matter because no one really knows about this journal, anyway, and those who do don't bother themselves w/ it, anyway (probly for the best heh heh) my master always tells me to expect the unexpected. well, if you expect what you're not meant to expect, then its no longer unexpected. yes, i realise i'm beating the word "expect" to a bloody pulp w/ overusage...but do i give a shit? nooooooooo. it worries me to think a man of his stature would stoop to puttig to use such a dumb, nonsensical cliche. maybe he thinks i don't notice it. sometimes that man's inability to realise my considerably high level of intelligence (no matter how well i conceal it, at times) disturbs me. i don't see why it wouldn't, as _everything_ about the old bastard disturbs me...especially the fact that he's reading over my shoulder and will inevitably assign me w/ another "rage-honing" (which basically translates to meanial and pointless) mission either out of punishment or to quell his insatiable sadistic hunger...or perhaps a mixture of both. blargh. he has no appreciation whatsoever for the hell i've endured at his command. what an asshole. YEAH, YOU! i'd appreciate it if you'd quit playing with my horns...::shudder::
you know you like it.
now he's messing my typing up w/ the force and...
you never complain to kenobi.
...making me type things against my will. GARGH!! you overbearing bastard! let me delete it! no, no, don't press that...!
He made me press the fucking "update journal" button. well ha ha, i pressed the "edit entires" button. wow. the perve is _finally_ leaving me alone.
note to self-
thank my apprentice for whammy-ing my master into petting her till his fingers cramp up. of course she did it for selfish purposes, only; she wanted to be petted. she wasn't intent on helping me, at all, but she inadvertently did, anyway, and therefor deserves a can of tuna.
wha...?
besides, she's only following the handbook-
a sith does not help others unless he or she will inevitably benifit from the act of kindness that is performed in some way or another.
well _that's_ no a hard rule to follow...
fuck, kenobi just knocked _again_...this is the second time, today. first it was to know if he could borrow any lube. he who has the largest buffet of sex toys, ointments, creams and anything else to be used behind closed doors that has ever been brought to my attention (unfortunately) in his apartment, wanted to know if i, a perfectly straight (shut up) practically celibate (i told you to shut up. you know what i mean. shit.) sith lord if _i_ had any lube. what the hell would i want w/ lube? i'm always on top...i mean...(what the fuck...?) um...i wonder what he could possibly want _this_ time...grr...
current mood: aggravated
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(join the dark side)
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9:30 pm - does anyone want a cute cat who is trained in the ways of the dark side of the force...?
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hear that, kitty? leave me alone. go bother kenobi. no. let me rephrase that. ::ahem:: you _will_ go bother kenobi.
current mood:  mischievous
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(join the dark side)
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9:30 pm - grrrr...
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i am so bored...
no! no tuna! go away! you're getting fur all over my pants!
current mood: annoyed
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(join the dark side)
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3:40 pm - i am hot shit
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well i already figured out all the html needed to master this live journal thing, but that's no surprise, as i am a sith apprentice...soon to be master but shh... ::looks over shoulder:: god, that guy has me trained a bit too well. ugh. anyway, i'm going to shop around for "communities" and whatnot for me to disrupt. its what i do.
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(4 minds corrupted | join the dark side)
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darth_maul's journal